Marvin To Build Boot Camp for Irritating Sports Announcers

Hey there local Sports Announcers. You really need to stop talking like fools. If you don't you will be sent to Boot Camp and stay there till you learn how to speak normally.

Here's just a few of the words continually being spewn upon us.

The Jaw ; ToonTown ; The Hat ; Speedy Creek ; Cow Town ; Hog Town ; The Maple Oafs or the Buds ; At the Dish ; Broadstreet Bullies(that was 30 years ago) ; the Tribe ; The Boatmen ; The Dogs ; Bronx Bombers ; Tickled the Twine ; Between the Pipes ; The Halo's (baseball's California Angels) -- and on and on it goes.

Wow, we are just so impressed with this drivel. Say it again.

I'm betting a Buck Four Ninety Eight, these people don't use these words in normal conversation. So I'm thinking there is a Sports Credo and it goes like this.

"It's okay to use these words on television and make a fool of yourself, but be certain to never ever use them in normal conversation. If you do nobody is gonna wanna play with you."

I could be wrong though. Maybe they have to sign a contract when hired that states these words must be used whenever possible because the public really digs this. And besides, people will think you are really, really cool.

If that's the way its gotta be then please put on a dunce cap and sit in a corner on a stool while sports announcing.

Stop it. You will not like Boot Camp

The latest greatest reply on TV is: Absolutely. Nine times out of ten when Mr. or Mrs. newsperson makes a statement to another TV person, the reply is, you guessed it boys and girls. How about saying "Right on man"; "Bet your ass babe". Have you morons only got this one word as a reply in your vocabulary? Guess so. To Boot Camp you go as well.

Now, to ordinary, everday speaking. All carbon-based units will immediately cease from using these irritating words and phrases.

Empower ; Synergy ; At the end of the day ; Networking (interacting with others)
A wealth of experience ; Jessica Simpson ; Paris Hilton, Britney Spears from Sears ; Outside the box ; Substituting a word to replace Christmas. Have you heard anyone call it a Festive Turkey? Listen up! The word is "Christmas" -- end of story. If Wal-Mart realized this and stopped using replacement words, that says it all. Wal-Mart rules the world. What's good for Wal-Mart is good for the planet.

Question About Heaven

There are tons of Mediums out there who claim to talk to the dead and actually do so, depending if you believe or not. I've seen some of these people on TV, this John Edwards guy comes to mind. He selects a member from the audience, then contacts someone they know who has died. The died person tells John what to tell the audience person. How come nobody ever asks the dead person "What do you guys do for entertainment over there in heaven? I know for a fact some of them eat Philadelphia Cream Cheese, cuz I've seen them doing this on TV. I know this is a commercial, but if its on TV its true. The people over at the cream cheese company obviously know something we don't.

Well, if that's all they do I ain't going to heaven when I die. I'm instead going to Bermuda.

Facebook and Marvin

First impression of Facebook is that I probably won't be spending much time there.

One of the reasons is that I have too many other places NOT to spend time.

Might dabble a bit now and then.

Did a search for old friends, found none. Probaby because I never had any friends and if I did (hey it was a long time ago) everyone changed their name so I couldn't find em. Rumour has it they are all named Nathan now.

"Nathans, where are you?"

More Marvin in Detroit

Marvin rests in front of Joe Louis Arena, home of the Detroit Red Wings.
Marvin has just completed an exhition game against the Wings.
Final score: MARVIN 28 - (36 standing ovations)
RED WINGS 3 - (13 players in the hospital only able to suck on soup)

*** UPDATE *** UPDATE *** UPDATE ***

It has been pointed out that penalties per term were missed.

Red Wings: 0
Marvin: 5 (was sent to the penalty box five times resulting in the Red Wings
scoring 3 goals.)

Marvin played with one hand, a skate on one foot only and a tree branch for a stick.

Click the photo to enlarge it - Marvin shows up better.

Can Marvin Save Detroit?

Marvin recently spent four days in Detroit. It was a tough crowd, but Marvin dazzled all. It sure is strange to see Canada (Windsor, Ont.) across the river and south of Detroit.

Canada and Windsor should be north. We have a problem. What was them original surveyors smokin?

Detroit is currently in an economic downturn. Marvin has a plan.

Create a make-work project to move Detroit south of Windsor and Canada, where it should be.

The river would also need to be moved. Simple. Workers fill up water bottles and manally relocate the river to where Detroit will now be. With all the water gone, someobody will need to fill the hole (jobs). Somebody will need to make a new hole for the new river (jobs).

Jobs for all. New maps will need to be created (jobs). Horray for Marvin.

Some of you may ask "Why not move Windsor instead and create jobs for Canadians?"

Global Warming, Trees, You and Pickles

Marvin's research has confirmed that pickles are our buddies.

17 pickles were placed on a plate and put in Marvin's backyard for 3 hours. The experiment originally was to use 18 pickles, but Marvin ate one.

The temperature at the beginning was 28 degrees Celsius and the carbon dioxide level was 33 on an index of 100.

Backyard readings were taken after those 3 hours and the temperature had dropped to 26.4 Celsius and the carbon dioxide level was reduced to 31.57. An unexpected benefit was that on average 67 less bugs entered the backyard. It should also be noted that heat and carbon dioxide levels were measured in four other backyards prior to and after. Measurements in those backyards remained constant.

However, after 14 hours, the pickles released the heat and carbon dioxide and the bugs came back.

The test was repeated but this time Marvin ate the pickles. Marvin has efficiently become a tree. Marvin retained the heat and carbon dioxide that the pickles absorbed with no ill effects.(Okay, so one ear fell off, big deal! - find a surgeon)

Conclusion. Pickles are just as effective as trees in reducing heat and carbon dioxide levels worldwide, or at least in your backyard. If backyards around the world are Picklefied, the world is gonna be just peechy-keen. Al Gore or Micheal Moore might make a movie of you with your pickles - in your backyard - with less heat - and carbon dioxide and less of those pesky bugs.

I wonder what would happen if pickles were placed on the end of car radio antennaes?


Be a tree, eat a pickle and save the planet.

Marvin Wins Every Video Production Award In The World

Marvin did not win "Best Video Featuring A Snowblower" since the video did not contain said item. Next year.
Those of you sprouting up in Western Canada, especially Saskatchewan during the 60s might remember this band from Saskatoon. Marvin noticed Youtube had a few songs available so decided to create a medley of all the band's songs. Actually Marvin left a few out for the time being. None of the material is commercially available thus putting them in the rare tunes hard to get category.
Marvin spent countless hours over the years removing all those nasty clicks and pops and thuds that records are famous for after repeated play. The video is somewhat repetitive but you guessed it, Marvin won the award for "Best Repetitive Video Without A Snowblower"
Marvin did not have a lot of non musical material. Do we care Marvinites? No!

*** Warning: Does not contain all the standard stuff seen today (dancing dancing dancing - let's look sexy for our fans cuz our music sucks -- is my shirt open far enough - dance dance dance)***

Early Cap'n Crunch Commercial

This classic commercial from the 60s, some say, is actually insight into what the world will be like years later. That is today. The pirate is actually a thug with a big knife who mugs people and tries to take away their goodies. The anchor falling on the pirates head is the justice system, giving the thug a pat on the head (in this case a slap on the wrist) for his actions. The Captain is the general public, who dare not beat the hell out of the pirate, for fear of being charged with assault. The dog cutting the anchor that falls on the pirate's head is just one plain ole mean bad dog, who likes dropping things on people's heads. Maybe there is a hidden meaning there, and if there is, it's beyond the scope of even Marvin.

Marvin Marvinenlous Interactive Jockularity

Submit your home grown joke. These are jokes where the punch line is an answer. Here's the interactive part. You do not supply the answer immediately. Let other Marvinites submit an answer. In a week or so, post the answer.

Marvin will start.

Once upon a time when Ronald Regan was presiding as President of the U.S. there was a man named Edwin Meese, and he was the Attorney-General of the nation.

Edwin and the rest of the Meese's move next door to you. They are lousy neighbors. They have wild parties with the Secret Service Agents and drunken corrupt politicians, the yard is a mess, loud irritating Michael Jackson and Spears from Sears music is blaring away, and the kids throw objects at you that are over five pounds and explode upon impact.

One day you say to yourself "I -at- th--- mee--s to p--c-s" (fill in the blanks)

Now, some of you may have seen the A&E Marvin biography episode, where the answer was given. Or, depending on how old of a sock you are, you will need to have seen a certain cartoon series way way back when. The answer is muttered continuously by this cartoon feline.

Marvin Marvinenlous Knows All

Yes, Marvin The Carbon Based Unit has arrived. Marvin is not associated with monopoly's Marvin Gardens, but Marvin will accept rent if you land there. Can't pay. Its off to jail, lose your turn.

Marvin will offer tips on such fascinating topics as skydiving and parachuting from your roof or your favorite tree; Is it safe to throw rocks at low flying passenger jets, How to sneak your friends out of the penetentiary in an A&W take out bag, Where is Elvis really hanging (Marvin's tip - there's this guy at Marvin's house who says "Thank you very much" a lot, and many more timely features.

Sports features abound, such as "Incorporating body-checking into curling", "Why don't curlers use air compressors, street sweepers, Zambonie's or just blow to clean the ice instead of brooms?; "Quit sweeping and start a fighten." There will be sweeping articles - "You can broom sweep in curling if you can sweep your floor" - "What exactly do curlers sweep away?"
Marvin also delves into this mystery. Why do football players always patt each others ass?

You don't like sports? Does Marvin care? Nope! Caring is not allowed at Marvin. You can care outside of Marvin. Perhaps cruise parking lots in the summer and rescue a dog trapped in an overheated car or motorcycle (Marvin likes busting the window part of the rescue - and its legal). Can't find a dog trapped in a car or motorcycle in a parking lot? Here's a Marvin tip.

Borrow, steal or build a dog. You could also create a reasonable facsimilie. Then slide over to a parking lot, preferably with those yellow line dividers as it makes navigation easier - execute an illegal entry into the car or motorcycle - put the dog or reasonable facsimilie into the self-propelled motorized containment unit - wait a minute or two - then shout real loud.

"Look! Look! - there's a poor dog ..." - Or the alternative depending on your setup -

"Look! Look! - there's a poor reasonable facsimilie trapped by an evil motorized vehicle owner inside this sweltering aforementioned machine" - Next, bust the window, grab your dog or the reasonable facsimilie and run away quick darn fast. Then from a safe distance, watch as people in the parking lot pounce on the owner when it returns. There is a possibility of violence. Marvin does not like violence, but heck, if its there its there. There's no better way to meet new thugs. You could be in a gang before you know it.