Marvin To Build Boot Camp for Irritating Sports Announcers

Hey there local Sports Announcers. You really need to stop talking like fools. If you don't you will be sent to Boot Camp and stay there till you learn how to speak normally.

Here's just a few of the words continually being spewn upon us.

The Jaw ; ToonTown ; The Hat ; Speedy Creek ; Cow Town ; Hog Town ; The Maple Oafs or the Buds ; At the Dish ; Broadstreet Bullies(that was 30 years ago) ; the Tribe ; The Boatmen ; The Dogs ; Bronx Bombers ; Tickled the Twine ; Between the Pipes ; The Halo's (baseball's California Angels) -- and on and on it goes.

Wow, we are just so impressed with this drivel. Say it again.

I'm betting a Buck Four Ninety Eight, these people don't use these words in normal conversation. So I'm thinking there is a Sports Credo and it goes like this.

"It's okay to use these words on television and make a fool of yourself, but be certain to never ever use them in normal conversation. If you do nobody is gonna wanna play with you."

I could be wrong though. Maybe they have to sign a contract when hired that states these words must be used whenever possible because the public really digs this. And besides, people will think you are really, really cool.

If that's the way its gotta be then please put on a dunce cap and sit in a corner on a stool while sports announcing.

Stop it. You will not like Boot Camp

The latest greatest reply on TV is: Absolutely. Nine times out of ten when Mr. or Mrs. newsperson makes a statement to another TV person, the reply is, you guessed it boys and girls. How about saying "Right on man"; "Bet your ass babe". Have you morons only got this one word as a reply in your vocabulary? Guess so. To Boot Camp you go as well.

Now, to ordinary, everday speaking. All carbon-based units will immediately cease from using these irritating words and phrases.

Empower ; Synergy ; At the end of the day ; Networking (interacting with others)
A wealth of experience ; Jessica Simpson ; Paris Hilton, Britney Spears from Sears ; Outside the box ; Substituting a word to replace Christmas. Have you heard anyone call it a Festive Turkey? Listen up! The word is "Christmas" -- end of story. If Wal-Mart realized this and stopped using replacement words, that says it all. Wal-Mart rules the world. What's good for Wal-Mart is good for the planet.

Question About Heaven

There are tons of Mediums out there who claim to talk to the dead and actually do so, depending if you believe or not. I've seen some of these people on TV, this John Edwards guy comes to mind. He selects a member from the audience, then contacts someone they know who has died. The died person tells John what to tell the audience person. How come nobody ever asks the dead person "What do you guys do for entertainment over there in heaven? I know for a fact some of them eat Philadelphia Cream Cheese, cuz I've seen them doing this on TV. I know this is a commercial, but if its on TV its true. The people over at the cream cheese company obviously know something we don't.

Well, if that's all they do I ain't going to heaven when I die. I'm instead going to Bermuda.